As I mentioned last time, our family had an eventful 2011.  What I didn’t mention was that somewhere among the wedding preparations and the holiday festivities, I was presented with an opportunity to take a job leading worship at our church.  After an almost decade-long hiatus, I am back in the singing saddle.  And it feels so good.

Currently, I work one afternoon and three mornings a week, plus additional hours from home in the evenings.  I get to share the worship leading responsibilities with one other person.  This arrangement allows me to have some Sundays off from singing, but I still take care of all the administrative tasks every week.  It’s been so much fun, so rewarding, so life-giving.

The new job has brought it’s own set of new challenges and odd adjustments.  Primarily, I have had to relearn how to manage all the other parts of my life.  Homeschooling happens in the afternoons.  Homemade dinners only happen two weeknights and one weekend night per week.  Grocery shopping and laundry are done only once a week and only on the weekends.  Personal time has become almost nonexistent.

The first few weeks I kind of felt like a crazy person.  Then I sat down and did some serious strategic life planning (i.e., I made a lot of lists), and I came up with a few ways to reduce the stress.  I’ve posted meal plans on the fridge, outsourced some household chores, tried to get smarter about how I use my time.  I’m not sure I’ve figured it out, but I’m trying.  My Husband has also been amazing at filling in my gaps and taking up the slack around here while patiently enduring the fall-out from the transition that translates into messy floors and sandwiches for dinner.  What a trooper.

The best news is that my heart is so exuberantly excited and elated to be doing the very thing that I am convinced God designed me to do.  Singing.  It’s a part of me that can’t be fulfilled in any other way other than to stand up in front of people and let it go.  And singing enlivens a part of my soul that nothing else comes close to touching.  This particular part of me has been dead for almost a decade {the back story on that is going to have to wait until another time}.  Believe me when I say that lately there has been nothing less than a resurrection in me.

The sad news is that I still have not figured out how to also do that other thing that makes me feel alive and inspired.  Writing.  Mainly, writing and sharing and chronicling things here with you.  I get sad every time some one asks me how my blog is going.  I miss it so much.  I can not believe that I used to post three times a week, sometimes more!  I have written my whole life, but I think in the absence of singing, writing became my outlet, and I discovered how much I truly love it.  Only, now that the singing part is back, I don’t have the time to write, and the whole thing leaves me feeling fulfilled, but still lacking.  Like I said, it’s been odd around here lately.

I’ve decided to be honest and just call this what it is, even though it pains me.  I’m taking a hiatus from the blog.  I have to.  Truth is, I have been on hiatus since December, but today I’m making it official.  This is for my sake so I don’t keep walking around under the looming shadow of all my unwritten posts, feeling like a failure and a disappointment.  Instead of being a no-show, I’m calling to officially say I can’t make it.  It’s the polite thing to do.

I’m not quitting.  I AM NOT QUITTING.  I am putting a particular life-giving endeavor {this blog} on the shelf for a minute while I give some much-needed attention to my newly resurrected life-giving endeavor {singing}.  This part of me merits a season of focused attention and reaquantance, don’t you think?  I mean, ten years is a long time to be dead.  Come on, let’s throw a party or something!  Kill the fatted calf?

So maybe I don’t blog regularly until the summer.  Or maybe it has to wait until the fall.  I really don’t have any idea.  I do know it’s worth it to be living again.

Seriously, I could cry.  But, this isn’t good bye.  It’s see you soon, but not soon enough.

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7 Responses to Hiatus

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  4. nicole says:

    YO:) so i’m like 6 months behind on all things life-related (ahem), but i had to tell you I’m ecstatic that you have the opportunity to sing again. And the best part is that I know that God will use every morsel of the last 10 years to point others to Him every time you lead. So thankful He doesn’t waste anything. Love you to the moon.

  5. Nina says:

    Aww, good for you. I guess we’ll have to make sure to keep up with the details of your life in-person!

  6. Rachelle says:

    So happy you are able to literally share your voice with all of us again!

  7. Ashlee Mason says:

    SO happy for you! I wish we went to Trinity and could hear your beautiful voice each Sunday :)

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